I changed my thesis a bit for draft two. At the first time, my thesis was too general, which not seemed to be something persuasive. Therefore, I added some points more specific and changed it to "In my point of view, cameras are necessary to influence the crucial safety problems in the school, their usage is still doubtful ethically due to the privacy of the residents on campus, and their quantity should be more appropriate." I think pointing out the ethic and quantity part of the surveillance camera problem in the thesis could be more organized and implied my paragraphs below. Moreover, my topic sentence of the second paragraph was a bit confusing. To amend that, I emphasized my point of quantity and placement, and changed it to"The surveillance cameras not only record the dangers, but also everything of our lives, so I suggest that their quantity and placement should be reconsidered. " For the third draft, I want to work on my words and grammars, because a persuasive essay should have some more specific words and sentences to persuade the readers.