The Revision Analysis

After the discussion of the first draft in class, I found somme places in my essay that need to be revised. My detailed description did not have much problem. On the contrary, the introduction, thesis, and conclusion need to be worked more.

First, hook is one of the most important part in an essay. However, my classmate pointed out that my introduction did not have a hook at all. That might because I used the story as start, and ignored to attract readers’ attention. Therefore, I will add a hook in my first paragraph, and keep the  integrity of my introduction.

Second of all, my thesis was not in the right place. I put the thesis in the middle of the essay at first as a kind of transition. Nonetheless, its position could not count much attention, so that the readers might not find it at all. Finally, I decided to change a part of it to the end of the essay as a sublimation, and keep the rest to transit the description the analysis.

At last, I found some of grammar and spelling mistakes, as while as problems in tense. After the my first revision, I realised that I should be working more on the construction of my essay, and making sure every important part appears. Sometimes, I did not want to keep my writings to be identical with others; I wanted to have my own style and story. However, things like thesis, introduction, and conclusion are of extremely importance for essays. I should not only think about creation, but also take care of those essential parts, and make sure their high quality.